Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
