and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
