I need to stop coming to work sober
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
