i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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