ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
