just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
