Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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