It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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