3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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