somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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