I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
