apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Princesses don't give blow jobs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize