We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
