I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize