My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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