If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
