ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
