Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
