apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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