JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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