So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
