i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
