You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A+ Viking dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
