About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Boobs are out for the taking
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
