Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
