$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
