Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
