Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
