On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
