So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
