boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
