No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
