how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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