Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
