Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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