whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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