mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
