I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
