If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
