I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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