So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
