And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
