Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
