Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
