So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
