No more Irish car bombs ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
