Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
