Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize