Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
