omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
