fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
