When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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