I'm going to jail i love you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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