mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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