apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize