im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
