Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
