literally had 100 drinks last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
