Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
