So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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