your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
