I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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