I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
