Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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