What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
