you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
