Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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