I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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