So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
