Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
