she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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