We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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