i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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