Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
